Respect Your Sista’s Ladies!
I was shocked last week when one of the more progressive brides I work with revealed to me that she was having a major issue with her bridal party… specifically, her cousin who she chose to be her maid of honor. She felt very strongly that there was something that was not quite right. She admitted that she initially tried to blow it off, but knew she would be speaking to me so she came to terms with the fact that she should address her concern… or as she put it, “the feeling in her gut.”
As we brainstormed and prodded, Emily admitted that she had always felt a sense of competition when it came to her cousin… who also happened to be her BEST friend. SHOCKER! Two women competing… never! Emily remembered the feelings that were evoked in her when she felt that uncomfortable elephant on the table. But she thought she was over that, she thought she left those shenanigans back with high hair and high school… but did she? Evidently not.. and now it was intruding on her wedding plans… the nerve!
Once we mulled over some unresolved childhood backlash, I showed Emily a very simple technique that helped her come to terms with her thoughts behind what was driving the weirdness with her cousin. Once she did that, we role-played what a conversation would look like with her cousin where she could air all her thoughts out and continue an authentic, maybe even closer relationship.
As we role-played, Emily was able to bring some subconscious thoughts to the conversation. (btw: did you know that research shows that over 90% of our behavior is driven by our subconscious thoughts) Emily realized that the origin of the issue with her cousin came from the fact that she had been so focused on her engagement and her wedding and herself that she was totally unaware of what her cousin might have been thinking or feeling during this important time.
Then she remembered a conversation that suddenly seemed more important than Emily had originally thought. Her cousin had expressed that she was feeling a sense of loss and that it was sad for her that she was in a way losing her best friend.
Now armed with some insight about her own contribution to the weirdness and some compassion for her cousins feelings, Emily felt ready to deal with the situation head on! And boy was she glad that she did… the very next day I got a call from Emily. She had asked her cousin to dinner and they had an “AMAZING” conversation about what was going on.
It turned out that her cousin felt the same way she did and they both agreed that they were some pretty cool chicks because they were able to be real with themselves and each other… and that made their relationship even better!
The point of me sharing this particular story today is this: Sometimes in order to have strong, meaningful, lasting relationships we have to have some uncomfortable conversations and face some uncomfortable emotions. And at the end of the day, we are all responsible to hold ourselves accountable for the way our emotions translate to the people around us…Especially our brides maids! Respect your sista’s ladies! Because when you do, they always have your train… I mean back
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