Telling Our Children That We Were Getting Married
We started out slow with the kids, at the beginning of our relationship we tried to spend time together when the kids were not around… not because we did not want to include them but because I wanted to protect them.
They had just gone through a hard separation from their dad and I did not want to expose them to another heartbreak potential. However, once we were both very sure that this relationship is what we wanted for the rest of our lives, we started having more family friendly outings. Some of our early outings were when we took the kids to a Christmas exhibit to see Santa, we often watched movies together at home, we had play dates with his daughter, and we played games together.
My three children were not unlike most normal children in that they were fiercely protective of me. At the time that Robert came into our lives, my 4 year old had assumed the role of “man of the house” and he was initially reluctant to give that up. My oldest was the hardest one for Robert to win over, he was the one who felt the strongest sense of loyality to his dad and I know that he still held out child-like hope that we magicly get back together.
The other two children were not nearly as reluctant to welcome Robert into their hearts and their lives. My three year old instantly connected with him and frequently requested games of catch and wrestling matches. And my baby daughter who was one at the time, did not know a stranger, so her friendly personality made it easy for her to connect with the new man in her life.
“Once he had both the trust and the favor of the kids we began to explain to them that we were planning to get married. He made sure that they understood that he was not trying to replace their dad, but that he loved their mother and wanted to be a part of our family. By that point in time the kids were very happy with the news of our upcoming marriage and excited to be a part of it! The kids, just like me, got to a point at which they could not imagine Robert not being a part of their lives.”
Now, they all enjoy a wonderful relationship with each other. Our family is by no means perfect, every once in a while the boys and Robert still butt heads and our parenting styles still clash on occassion. However, I could not picture anyone else in my kids’ lives and being there to raise them with me and that makes all the issues and disagreements worth it!
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